Edge

September 16, 2017 at 14:28 (Fiction, Uncategorized)

I’ve been rather depressed lately. Various reasons – work colleagues, transport issues, personal disappointments and body pain. Not to mention lack of sleep from two terribly cute kittens.

Yesterday was pretty low but then I was inspired by Always by Rap Monster and wrote this. Not my usual listening but it just struck a cord.

All falling apart, all falling away

I’m listening but you’re not changing
Your actions bring your pain
Don’t pass it on to me, it’s not mine
I have my own pain
The pain in my heart
The pain in my body
I’m trying to get stronger
My body is weak
My heart is tired

I can’t bear your world
I don’t want your world
Please understand my world
All falling apart, all falling away
My boundaries are far
Please don’t push me there
Coming back takes time
The journey is long, it’s hard
The pain in my heart
The pain in my body
I’m trying to get stronger
My body is weak
My heart is tired
I can’t bear your world
I don’t want your world
Please understand my world
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Missing You

May 5, 2014 at 07:08 (Fiction)

Week 01

Katie had just left me when she died. We had been arguing about something stupid – the dishes or something – when suddenly she just said it. “I’m done with you.”

I immediately thought it was because of her parents – they weren’t happy that she was with a woman. And I told her to just ignore them. Then she said the worst thing I have ever heard – “It’s not because you are a girl, it’s because you are you.”

I was still trying to figure that out when her brother called a few days later to say she had been killed. Car accident – instant. I did feel relieved about that.

There were all sorts of other emotions, but I remember being disappointed the most. We never got to reconcile.

Today is the two week anniversary of her death. As I settle into the reality of her death, I’ve come to realise that I need her in my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her.

Week 02

The week started off really badly. Work was busy, people were complaining about everything, nothing was working. The Benji came along. When I looked into his eyes, I saw Katie so I decided to keep him, and I needed something to focus my energy on. Unfortunately, Benji has spent the last week begging to be let out the bathroom but he’ll run away if I do. I just hope the neighbours don’t complain.

All week I fed him what I was eating, he eats it but his not very keen – I don’t really want to buy special food for him, it seems like a waste. I think he might be missing his old life. But he’ll just have to get used to his new one.

I haven’t been feeling so down the last couple of days. I guess I’m on the road to recovery.

Week 03

This week ended much better than the last week. I had a performance review at work. It didn’t start off well till I explained about Katie’s death. I didn’t mean to make them feel bad, but I couldn’t help crying when I spoke about her – it was the first time I had spoken about it to anyone at work.

And Benji has been behaving himself – I’ve had to discipline him twice though. His eyes used to remind me of Katie but now they’re just sad all time. I only kept him because of the resemblance. He was whining to be let out when I got in last night. I opened the door with my belt in hand and he shut up immediately.

Week 04

Everyone is being really nice to me at work. They keep saying things like take your time and no rush. It’s a pleasant change from before. Even Benji has relaxed a little.

At first Benji wouldn’t let me near him. He’s a lot more accepting of his situation now – I can even hug him. He protests but there’s no strength left in it. He just sits rigid and glaring till I’m done. Today I was telling him how he reminded me of Katie and how much I loved her, and how I didn’t want him to be so sad all the time. He sat watching me for a while before whispering,

“I’m not Katie, my sister’s dead – please let me go.”

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All For My Love

September 5, 2013 at 12:17 (Fiction)

All the years of our lives
I searched
I suffered
I waited
You forgot your sacrifice – lost in grief

All the years of my life
Once I failed but swore to succeed
I searched but I could not fine
But I found the one who did

All the years of my life
A charm for my bloodline
It mars my body; the pain
My agony for the future

All the years of my life
First I sought your death
Then I saw the truth in Time
I waited and protected you

We fought for you
We died for you
All for our love

Now he fights for you
You remember the truth
You remember your sacrifice
You see all the love you

All the years of our lives for you

All for my love

All for my love

All for my love

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LOVELESS

October 11, 2012 at 17:30 (Fiction, Uncategorized)

The other day I was looking for Loveless so I could add a couple of lines to a piece of fiction.  I found it here, along with a Japanese version in romaji.  And I’m so enthused by my future trip to Japan to learn some more Japanese that I thought I would write out in kana for practice.

I was feeling quite squint by the end.  Obviously, I need more practice.

愛のない

LOVELESS

Prologue (Poem)
けものたし の たたかい が よに おわり を もたらす とこ

くら き そら より めがみ ふぁ まいおりる

ひかり と やみ の つばさ を ひろげ

しふく へ と みちびく おくりもの と ともに

Act I (Poem)
しえん の なぞ それ は めがみ の おくりもの

われら は もとめ とびたんだ

あまよいつずける こころ の みなもに

かすかな さざなみ を たってて

Act II (Poem)
おしみない しゅふく と ともに

きみ は めがみ に あいされた

せかい を いやす えいゆう としても

あす を のぞみ て ちる たましい

ほこり も つい え

とびた とう に も つばさ は ほれた

これ が もんすった の まつる だ

Act III (Poem)
きも よ とびたつ の か?

われら は みくむ せかい へ と

まちうける は ただ かこく な あす

さかまく かぜ のみだ としても

きみ よ こい ねがい え

いのち はぐくむ めがみ の おくりもの

やくそく の ない あす であろうと

きみ の たつ ばしょ に かならす まい もどろう

 

Act IV (Poem)
きみ よう いん が なり

ゆめ も ほこり も すで に うしない

めがみ ひく ゆみ より すでに や は はなたれて

ふくしゅう に とりつくかれた わが たましい

くのう の すれ に

たどちつきたる がんぼう は わが きゅうさい と

きみ の やすら かなる ねむり

いざ かたり つがん きみ の ぎせい せかい の おわり

ひと しれす みなみ おわる かぜ の ごとく

ゆるやか に たしか に

Act V (Poem)

やくしく の ない あした であろうと

きみ の たつ ばしょ に かならず まい もどろう

この せかい が おれ の いのち おびやかす なれ

ち の はて そら の かなた はるか なる みにみ

ひそかなる せい と なろう

_______________________
AI NO NAI

LOVELESS Romaji 

 

Prologue (Poem)
Kemonotachi no tatakai ga yoni owari wo motarasu toki
Kura ki sora yori megami ga maioriru.
Hikari to yami no tsubasa wo hiroge
Shifuku he to michibiku okurimono to tomoni.

Act I (Poem)
Shien no nazo sore wa megami no okurimono.
Warera ha motome tobitanda.
Amayoitsuzukeru kokoro no minamo ni
Kasukana sazanami wo tattete.

Act II (Poem)
Oshiminai shukufuku to tomoni
Kimi ha megami ni aisareta.
Sekai wo iyasu eiyuu toshitemo
Asu wo nozomi te chiru tamashii.
Hokori mo tsui e
Tobita tou ni mo tsubasa ha horeta
Kore ga monsutta no matsuru da.

Act III (Poem)
Kimi yo tobitatsu no ka?
Warera ha mikumu sekai he to
Machiukeru ha tada kakoku na asu.
Sakamaku kaze nomida toshitemo
Kimi yo koi negai e
Inochi hagukumu megami no okurimono.
Yakusoku no nai asu dearouto
Kimi no tatsu basho ni kanarazu mai modorou.

Act IV (Poem)
Kimi yo in ga nari.
Yume mo hokori mo sude ni ushinai.
Megami hiku yumi yori sudeni ya ha hanatarete
Fukushuu ni toritsukukareta waga tamashii
Kunou no sue ni
Tadoritsukitaru ganbou ha waga kyuusai to
Kimi no yasura kanaru nemuri
Iza katari tsugan kimi no gisei sekai no owari.
Hito shirezu minami owaru kaze no gotoku
Yuruyaka ni tashika ni

Act V (Poem)

Yakusoku no nai ashita dearouto
Kimi no tatsu basho ni kanarazu mai modorou.
Kono sekai ga ore no inochi obiyakasu nara
Chi no hate sora no kanata haruka naru minami
Hisokanaru sei to narou.

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Irregular Verbs

November 7, 2011 at 08:35 (Fiction, Uncategorized)

This afternoon I’m doing a lesson on irregular verbs and I was trying to think of a more interesting way of showing irregular verbs.  Everyday situations are good and all but sometimes I think there should be something more creative…

He often spoke about it.  The day he drank the potion and dreamt.  It began with the wind – the wind blew through him and he fell.  He rose again and sought the end of the nightmare.  He crept quietly but had lost the key.  He grew weary of the battles he fought and so drew breath to flee and tore the dream apart.  When he finally woke, he wrote it all down before he forgot and his memory froze.

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Bit o’ fanfiction

March 17, 2011 at 11:10 (Fiction, Uncategorized)

I’ve been working on a piece of AU fanfiction for VII [an unashamed attempt at maximum reviews] and thought of another one that starts with this poem.

 

Holy failed.  Meteor landed, would not be caught.

It was not what we thought but destruction was wrought.

And so we fought but not who we thought.

We fought with each other, to live in the waste Meteor brought.

 

I don’t know if I’ll write it as I don’t have any story in mind.  And I’m busy working on a lengthy piece at the moment.  And sewing garb while debating whether I should make Tudor garb for myself as well.  It’s just so damn pretty.

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