I say ‘end’ but I only mean end of braces and physio appointments. There is still the morning ritual of making it straight and the evening ritual of making a fist, as well as squeezing a foam ball. But when my hand is relaxed the ring finger looks like any other.
Apart from the obvious hindrances of having a broken finger, a couple of unexpected things have occurred. For example, a new found apprehension of climbing stairs and ladders. I worry that if I trip I won’t be able to catch myself from falling because I can’t grip things quickly. And when falling, you don’t really have time to flex and prepare your fingers to grip. It’s also difficult to demonstrate the difference between ‘flat’ and ‘bent’ when one finger is bent, thus throwing off the idea of flat.
But people adapt after losing fingers and so I shall adapt as well. It’s just… slow going.
Every once in a while I take a look at my life and decide if I’m still on the path I want to be. Do I still think the things I think I think – have they changed and I didn’t realise it? Should I change them? Should they stay the same… Or better still – how do I improve them?
Often this boils down to ‘how can I work less and still survive?’ But sometimes it also involves making life choices that might be sudden or temporarily uncomfortable. There are few things that really bother me. Most of the time I look at the thing/situation/person and wonder if the effort is worth it. If not, I move on.
But I do have limits and I do have things that bother me, and when I find my limits pressed I cut off the situation/thing/person. It’s a straw that breaks the camel’s back kind of thing.
I’ve been reading two things non-stop – Gintama and Quiet. Gintama makes me laugh so much, and Quiet makes me think so much. Over the weeks I’ve been reading Quiet I’ve had so many light bulb moments and moments of clarity, I feel so much more content with myself and my life choices. Introvert or not, everyone should read Quiet – it brings understanding to all parties in all communication situations.
I also read:
The death article didn’t really say anything new for me. I’ve always seen death as something inevitable and life as meaningless, but to be enjoyed.
So at the end of the thinking day I find myself still in my lovely house with my fat old man cat, my manga and THEATRHYTHM~!
What is wrong with simple…
It would be nice if people accepted that somethings can be simple. It’s less stressful. It’s easier. It’s simple.
But I think people actually want to be stressed or worn out. They want to complain about having to do something or worry about all the things they have to do. We create machines to make our lives easier but then clutter up the free time with needlessly complicated tasks or chores.
And so I have decided to step back. I’m no longer helping to streamline or simplify a process anymore. I put in the work and people do or create the opposite. So they must go forth and be complicated without me.
I’m done with Bleach.
If I ever have the urge to know what happened, I’ll look on Wikipedia. And it will say ‘only Ichigo defeated things because he is stronger than the “strongest” beings’.
I get the hero should be the hero – this is why I read shounen. But there are cases where the hero does too much and no matter how powerful the powerful ones are, the hero is stronger. The hero can do EVERYTHING!! It’s annoying. How about some balance? How about some other characters being as good as the hero? But only the hero can do it because the hero is the hero is boring.
On a note of reality – I’ve typed this blog post with all ten fingers. Not as fast as I’m used to but I’m getting there. Also I’ll have to take a break soon as the ache does sneak in eventually.
So when the doctor said that my finger would take months to heal, I nodded my understanding. But as the weeks go by I’ve come to realise just how long months really are. In the beginning it was kinda cool spending all day watching TV and not doing anything but I found myself becoming incredibly frustrated with everything, and short tempered. Everything was a big issue and would send me into tears.
Friday was a seriously low point and I felt depressed and weepy. I hadn’t done anything creative since the accident mid September and I think it was beginning to take its tool – no writing, sewing, embroidering, baking… Just sitting all day watching TV series.
I need to be creative, so when I found a bunch of Fairy Tail lineart I had printed for L, I knew what I could do – colour in. I love colouring in, not so much drawing, but definitely colouring in. And that’s what I’ve been doing the whole weekend. I feel so much better – I feel calmer, I don’t want to cry all the time. Not quite my usual self, but I’m feeling much better.
We’ll see how the next few months go. At least the physio keeps giving me good news. :)
So for the better part of ten years I’ve been reading Naruto, and now it’s finished. It was a very happy ending and I had to remind myself that it’s a shounen manga. The dramatic endings I had imagined would be kind of soul crushing for a twelve year old. However, I was pleased that a certain character that had died remained dead.
It’s going to be odd not reading the ninja every week – but I’m not going to feel the loss immediately as Fairy Tail is taking up almost all my enthusiasm. It’s gets a bit boring when one character is the only character able to defeat the baddie. So I’m really hoping this current arc with Gray will show that all Fairy Tail mages are awesome. I’m highly anticipating this week’s chapter :D
But first a couple hours of work before the weekend and all the relaxing I have planned.
So for the past two weeks I did everything the physio told me to and my finger got worse. To say I was upset was an understatement – I wasn’t sleeping properly with the rigid night brace, the finger ached for most of the morning and my current class tries my very last nerve.
I mentioned all the things and the troubles and got all weepy, and now I have a new routine – so far it’s much better and I’m feeling more positive. The physio also made mention that I have a serious injury so I allowed to feel down sometimes.
I think that was my problem a bit. Because it’s my finger I’ve tended to think it can’t be serious, it will heal over the weekend. But it is serious even if it’s small. And I must except that it’s going to take some time and some work.
Sadly my bike money is going on physio, but I need the physio so I can ride a bike – need the left hand to change gears. The most important thing for me though is I have the bike licence, I can get the bike at any time :)
I’ve managed to further injure my finger – now it needs day and night support, and physio. What a mess.
I’m not a technophobe and I’m all for using tech every day and in life in general but I always feel some anxiety when I use some aspect of tech for the first time. Last night I used Google Hangouts for the first time – it seems pretty cool and easy. But while I was setting it up I had all these wild ideas that somehow it wasn’t going to work. Or it was going to overly complex and involve many steps. Why do I think this? Every time! I don’t know.
But I do know I’m very excited for next week – Supernatural, American Horror Story, Walking Dead and Psycho Pass.
Or rather end of my car.
I crashed into someone last Thursday. Totally didn’t see them and braked too late. The Chibi is finished and my left hand is a little banged up – pulled muscles and a broken ring finger. Luckily it’s my left hand so I can still do many things; slowly but they can be done. One of the things I can’t do is my hair. It’s something I’ve been doing for myself for as long as I can remember and now I can’t do it. I can brush it but I can’t tie it up. It is strangely frustrating.
I also have a combo typing effort going – ‘touching’ typing with my right hand and one-finger typing with my left. My speed is pretty good but I don’t always get the left hand key letters in the correct places. But I should be ace by the time my finger heals. :P
I should still be able to do my job with little hindrance. I can’t hold up the book and point but I’ll just show each student, or each pair…
We shall see.
I know! This manga/anime frustrates me on many levels but I love a lot of it, and I keep going back to it. I’m currently watching the anime seasons I never got round to, and once again, I’m besotted by the shinigami fights.
In other (related) news – I’ve actually been watching a fair amount of anime. My favourite that I’ve come across so far is Psycho Pass. I enjoyed it so much, I watched it twice – I love cop shows.
And I’ve been practicing my Japanese:
にほんごの がくせいです。 にほんごが おもしろいでも ときどき むずかしいです。 まんがと にほんのおんがくが すきです。 はがねのれんきんじゅつしの まんがが いちばんすきです。 「Fairy Tail」も すきです。 ちゅうごくのまんが 「City of Darkness」も すきです。
にほんしも おもしろいです。 へいあんじだいが いちばんすきです。 せんごくじだいも すきです、 でも、それほど、くわしくないです。
せんしゅう 「Sengoku Basara」のアニメ みました。 たのしいです。
私は えいごのせんせいです、でも 私は ほんやくかになりたい。 せんしゅう かんじを ならいました。 よっつのかんじを しっています － 火、水、右、左。 かんじのタイプも ならっています。 私は、しごとにいくとき、でんしゃをまっているあいだ、かんじのれんしゅうをしています。
Though the last two weeks I haven’t really been doing anything :P